The Polite Response

We all know the polite response for every situation.

A gift: "Thank you (for that horrific sweater that I will never wear)."

A dinner party: "Please does anyone else want the last homemade chocolate chip cookie (that I am dying to eat after you've all gone)?"

Interacting with the public: "Excuse me (but you've parked your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle while you peruse the soups and I'm tired of waiting you incredibly, inconsiderate heap of parrot droppings)."

Then there is the most common question on the face of the earth: "How are you?" Everyone asks that, I have discovered. Maybe I just didn't notice it before, but suddenly no matter how small the interaction I have, the other individual asks .... And we all know the polite response: "I'm fine, thank you, how are you?" It is so pervasive that most people even know it when they hear it in other languages: Spanish (Como estas), Southern (How ya'll doing?).

So how do you respond when you have cancer? Most people aren't actually asking how you really are, they could just as easily be saying, "Hello, I have nothing else to say but I will throw in some vacuous comment because I don't know how to fill the silence that will now exist while I pack your groceries, fill your order, pass you in the hallway, examine you for some possibly serious health condition?"

I know this, but something inside of me rebels against providing the expected, polite response. At first, I just exaggerated: "I'm truly fabulous and couldn't possibly be better. How are you?" But that took too much effort, so now I just respond with a nod then "And how are you?" It seems to do the trick. No one ever takes me to task for not giving them a full and complete answer (except my mother) or even notices that I haven't given them the expected response.

This experience provides back up for my other experiment. I decided that I was wasting too much time signing things so I began to just scribble something quick that had a faint resemblance to my signature. To date, no one has questioned me or asked for something more legible. So I have learned to save time on little tasks so that my energies can be utilized elsewhere, like baking more chocolate chip cookies.